KOOL KILLER KIDZ

Its one of those bizarre moments when your karma faces you with a
mirror of guilt... its one of those thoughts which slithers into your being and
engulfs your sanity till you face it head on... its the edge of rational living ...
its the very tonic of lunacy.... its the colour of red in pearly white

It was 0246 hrs ... I must've been dozing for some time after a check on the
guards defending a weird historically bloodied line and the tranquility of a
zillion lives...it was the December chill and the smell of the embers making
their way from the forest fire in the no mans land which must've killed my
slumber.... or it must've been the dino rat brutally renting my bunker for its
nocturnal feasts, rummaging my belongings... it still may have been gore and
death of the nightmare which shook me outta my sleeping bag.

Its 0312 hrs now... I have been holding my head between my cold hands and
staring at the flames from the keroheater... sleep just wasn't the option... it
felt like I was back from the twilight zone... it sure did shake the sanity in
me and border reality with the frills of fantasy...the dream seemed so darn
real that for the first few dazed moments I kept wondering where I was... it
seemed like I was watching the movie fourth kind right before me...like
some extra dimensional being was sending hallucinating thoughts into me to
beam me images of impending gloom...of glimpses of people killing for
honour glory and a profession... and scenes replete with bayonets ripping
through human torsos and bones... with men silhouetted against the
backdrop of intense evil, holding onto their assault rifles and in a silent calm
loosing grip of humanity in its glint.

what bothered me most was as to how far even I could go to avenge and
seek retribution... how it was in our nature to dominate and eliminate
competition....how it was a thin line holding our norms on decency and
righteousness from falling into the fire of total anarchy...how acute shortages
in food water and electricity could send concrete jungle dwellers slitting
each others throats... how we are civilized only because of our circumstances...

I had seen all this and much bloody more... evil reigns as the flames of darkness engulfs every aspect of our sane lives... I see no boundaries in nationalistic ambitions in a nuclear umbrella... no ideologies ... no control on the the angst let loose to define the end...

Its 0342 hrs...I switch on my computer to watch a movie to take my thoughts somewhere better... DEFIANCE... was that the only movie I could seen or was fate playing poker with my face flashing in the joker card.

A tale from the Jewish holocaust which was so bloody close to what I had seen that once it started I just couldn't turn off the LCD.... the brothers fought in vengeance, in brutality and each with a different moto.... the bloodied wintry snow froze goodness and fed on banal instincts as mam hates man in a dog eat dog world of the second great war.... but amidst the doomsday shades of grey i saw sparkles of hope in the love and humanity harboured by the very few in the Naliboki forest as the German terror squads and SS tried to mercilessly flush them out and kill them all- women children and the old....I watched on as more and more of acts of goodness sprouted in the group amidst all the splintered reality.

It almost dawn and the chirping of jungle fowl and tiny winged creatures seems endless... Ive just sighed the longest sigh....I guess it was a sense of relief... a dawn to a dark and chilly night.... a hope in the permanence of god and everything good about humanity...a dream of a future which no matter how dark will still glow with goodness and kindness in the most trying times... a belief in the sum of all things inexplicable ... a faith in the unknown omnipotent and omniscient fabric of creation...

....AMEN

DRUNK AGAIN

Drunk again …



I am four beers and three pegs rum down in an unholy mix…..and I wonder , Why does liquor send a man to his reality zone…a place where for a moment of truth he dares see beyond all the glare blinding his minds view…….I can see the absurdity, the pain ,the misery, the hopeless walk….and all that in a conglomeration of chaos and confusion….I know for a fact that when I wake up tomorrow I will neither remember how I got here nor shall I remember why I found solace in this madness… ADS…alcoholic dependency syndrome don’t seem far away…. I have seen a love for rum and an undying thirst to bleed myself out…. I wish I had the guts to snuff it all away…. yet I drag on… “why”, is a mystery I will never know... Coz I know I will not see providence…a sinner for just too freaking long I guess heaven and hell don’t hold much for us…. I might have started going to church to save my heart of the loneliness’… But damn right I see myself burning in hell right…do I care… No….all I see is a puzzle and a weird way to make people believe in things that have brought nothing but hatred and fighting all over…from the war against terrorism to the crusades…. we all have our folly’s,.. No one is right…we ERR…. And that stands true all over, Saint and sinners all alike we live each day like there is a brighter tomorrow…. Fate keeps fooling us with its bag of incidents to make us drag the misery on…. Snuff it out… kill the pain and the injustice….

Why the rich and the poor…. Why is there a different life for all… why does envy make things worse with a tinge of unhappiness in every smile…we see the other to feel our strength…

the weaker the world.. The stronger are we…… shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aren’t we heading for destruction like never before…? The Mayans tell us of the end of an era on 21.12 .12…… that’s 21 December 2012 for the un initiated fools… the scientist tell us on Nat Geo of sun spots messing up earth max in 2012…. The earth’s magnetic field has a crack-the only thing that keeps the suns radiation away from minor sun spots …

.what else are we heading for…

WAR…the Chinese want to prove their might …the Americans want to stand their ground… and I will frigging well die before I let anyone of them prove me weaker…where does that lead us…..END OF THE WORLD>>>>I don’t care if the tigers go extinct … or if the Ozone vanishes,,,, coz I pretty much see the ego messing it all up with the third world war….kill em all…..

Each night I play one of those First person shooter games that sends me killing men, women and all, in a bid for glory and skill… wouldn’t I do the same in the real world… now that I know I can do worse… cold blooded killing doesn’t even come close…I have done evil to the hilt…and I am armed with a zillion answers to prove myself right…

But then I will be one of those insane NAZI breed creeps who can’t think,……….. and can kill without hate, without love and soul…. I am a Psychopath….and alas I am a painter And a Poet….. but the day I die, I will die a sinner and a bloody murderer….whether in glory or cowardice it wont matter… all that would - is that I too longed for an umbrella of love …a moment of sunny skies and a warm shore….. but then all I get is one frigging shit hole with all the misery the good world can shove this way… take a drag friend for I am too lost in my own drugged existence…I don’t need no medicines or cure… I am way beyond cure…I am way beyond human reach….I just need all the misery to drag no more…. To burn out and vanish….why am I….what am I…. who am I ……it don’t matter today ….and never will…..

…Just waiting for the ticking to end…

PENTA BLITZ........thou shall not kill....ooo! shit!

Its been a zillion eras since the last kill .. a blitzkrieg on humanity... and yet the prints seem as fresh on my mind as if they were the highlights of the 'yesterday 'that faded tooo slow into today for comfort...it flashes like an angry wasp in and out of my sanity and time and again steals my innocence in the company of friends.......... a zillion eras back....lone wolf on a mission that seemed like just another uneventful operation to follow and fade with the passage of time and chaos of counter terrorism duties.....the day, an uneventful humid glimpse of the impending violence........

.....mission briefing...weapon and hi tech equipment geared up....the killer guerrilla team walks into the day, mouthing their own little prayer for the promise of a greener tommorow....we were six mean mothers...alll set with our egos greased... our tactics perfected...dressed to mingle..the covert operatives were ready for launch into the belly of terrorism....go undercover and establish covert surveillance for move of the terrorist elements....
....lone wolf , dressed to make a school kid seem bad...moved on ...armed with a 9 mm auto pistol tucked away in innocence inside a schoolbag...

1157AM....we reach in sub groups near a school compound...eyes scan as we try to seem like the everyday labour of dull life...nothing....nothing to make the soul jump....
i guess its the quite before the freaky storm.....

....my casual scan catches an annomaly.... wrinkles of experience in that shit hole taught me that.......two uglies....they walk towards our turf in absolut ignorance...but alas ! our eyes make contact and for a moment a pall drenches the landscape...in a milli second a zillion thoughts flash as my inner eye senses fear and doubt in those dark eyes...
...i dont see any weapons...but thats the way these bastards move...slithering through the dangerous terrain... killing and kidnapping people...extorting money and making peace seen like a remote planet
....gotta check him out...gotta be sure of that moment of truth when the eyes spoke ,,,,,...
..tooo many questions... too many fears...."i hope its not a civilian....couldnt live with such a blunder to my belt"..........
....bulll shit....act man act.........pistol out i give up the surprise to challenge the pair....hey stop!....Shit ME...they flee....mounting on their bikes and catch the wind like banshees........ ratatatatatt....the guns booom as uglies and lone wolf exchange a moment of evil kill....
damn....MISSED....on foot and an ace athlete ages ago .... i sprint behind for a closer shot....thich brush....bambooo grove and flashing thoughts of death cloud me.......god .... i lost them.............SHIT..this is not me.... i had a duty to prove me and the friggin ARMY before my troops......had to chase the uglies...................

huff....hufff..... hufff........pant........pant................
.
...............i run like mad...... not seeing where.... just following the traces of broken track the freaks left before hellll befelll on these buggers.........two and more kilometers with bloodshot eyes and laboured breath the lonewolf moves through helll and like.....eyes lit up as i spot that unfortunate killer...llast push and i close in...grenades splinters couldnt stop the inertia to sin....

couple of more swear words and death lay mocking that little ugly face...

shot one through the cheek and one through the chest...letting gallons of blood flow.........
for me time stood still.......success for the army meant sin for me.....i had crossed that ;line... kill and be killed..didnt seem toooo far away... worst of alll it felt goood getting even....ever since five more saw the light through these unforgiving hands....penta kill....five times the sinner i was.....five times closer to ending the pain the same evil way.....

WHERE DEATH MET VALOUR

The acid night was like any other, a twisted tale of déjà vu
Blurring angst of the pouring rain, in darkness that bore through
A concoction of questions and riddles that fueled my crystalline doubt
Each step a little slow, every breath laboured as I moved about

The melancholy of the angry rain seeped through in subtle fury
My fate lay in oblivion with the dreary landscape and its morbid story
Every sound roared as thunder, every quiver let a serpent of fear flow
Thoughts of bitter loneliness in a vague nightmare crept through slow

In the din of impending danger my thoughts froze, profound and fearful
The training of ages past slipped my grasp in eluding shadows sad and woeful
“Enemy ahead” – the words from the first scout caught my senses in a frenzy
Death, doubt, fears clouded my being as every muscle twitched in misery

“Where was I-the enemy or the comrade?” - left me in a dark lonely hole
Click! Weapon readied, eager eyes scanned as every curve bore my soul
The darkness within and without engulfed the scene in an eerie silence
Was I blind, afraid or cautious, I could not perceive in absolute violence

The rain still poured its woes on mother earth’s belly
The fear still jiggled my senses like evil jelly
The darkness still merged every shadow in a macabre spell
Weaving a tapestry of dilemma and blindness in a silent well


Utter nakedness stripped me of my deepest fears
Helpless, immobile - the soul let out a crippled tear
Momentary lapse of tactics in a starless sky
Temporary grasp of fearful agony in a two faced die

I couldn't run – the image of a leader haunted me
I couldn't act thoughts of losing a comrade let things be
Surprise my only armour was withered and dying
As streaks of mauve sent a blush into the purple sky

The dawn would soon make a sojourn of joy
Yet steal the purpose and density of a plan so coy
In utter arrogance I moved towards the enemy within
Crawled, crouched and slithered to commit sin

Blood shot eyes over hung laboured breath
As muscle made way through cover in stealth
In a matter of time I moved in towards the house
As fear and impending danger in my soul arose

Kaboom! Followed by a blitzkrieg of flying lead came my way
With cruel intentions to make that my last ugly day
Yet providence in all sincerity saw me to safety’s home
And pulled me out of the guerrilla's impressive kill zone

In sheer panic I squeezed my fearful grasp
Just to let out bullets like a hungry wasp
In chaos they found their destined mark
And left me standing unscathed, tall and dark

In a moment of sheer blunder and terror
I saw my foe fall to death for one untimely error
As fate would play its cards, I stood there a hero
Only I knew how close I was to ground zero

First blood – first tryst with death on an oft walked track
Death meets valour, as they call me the hero of the pack